Super Doofus Race 2000 is a card game for 3 to 8 players, meant to simulate the wacky multi-player, console-based racing video games that its title and weaponry should sorta-kinda remind you of. To play, you'll need the included cards, some pawns to use as counters, and a few regular six-sided dice.

Before we begin, here's some quick tips on how to make sense of these rules: any text set in italics is not meant to be read immediately. It contains clarifications for specific situations, optional rules, and suggestions for fine-tuning. We set it apart so that you can get started quickly, without having to slog through all of it. Bold text is just bold text; it doesn't encode secret messages or anything (but if you look for some anyway, let us know what you find).

Getting Ready to Play

Obviously, you'll need to print the cards. Download the PDF file, from the appropriate link above, and print it onto nice, sturdy cover stock if you can. Cut out the cards and put them together into a deck. (Don't include the copyright card, of course - and for the moment, you can take out the three Platforms cards.) If you want a printed copy of the rules, your best bet is to print this web page. Then, get some friends together. If you're playing with four or fewer players, you may find it helpful to halve the deck - that is, to take out half of the amount of each card in the deck, rounded down. This will help ensure that a good variety of cards come up during play. It's easiest to do this when you're first putting the deck together, if you know you'll usually be playing with small groups.

First, each player chooses something to represent his or her bad self - either a car (if you want to make sense or something) or whatever small token you have handy. You have to be able to tell it apart from the other players.

Before the game begins, one player deals a starting hand of five cards to each player.

The player to the left of the dealer will begin the game in the first position. (Don't worry; it won't last.) Arrange all players' tokens in a line in the center of the play area, in the order of their current position. The player to the left of the dealer puts his/her token first in line, the next player around puts his/her token second in line, and so on all the way back around to whoever dealt the cards. We reccommend putting the deck and discard pile at the front end of the order, so nobody gets confused as to which end is which.

Now you're ready to...

Start Your Engines!

The player to the left of the dealer takes the first turn, and play proceeds to the next player to the left, until the dealer takes a turn. This order is called the play order, as opposed to the order the character cards are currently in - that order is called the race order.

One lap consists of each player taking a turn, in play order. The game is five laps long. Whoever's ahead at the end of the last lap is the winner. The dealer should be the one to keep track of how many laps have, er, elapsed, making a tick mark on a sheet of paper at the end of his/her turn. It works out that the game ends after the dealer takes his/her tenth turn.

One turn consists of one player playing either a Movement card or a Weapon card, then a Track card if desired. You may not play both a Movement and a Weapon, even if you're not playing a Track. You can only play cards on your own turn, with the exception of the Maneuver and Close Off cards (more on that later). At the end of your turn, put any cards you played in the discard pile, unless they have lingering effects. Then draw new cards until you have 5 cards again. This is the only time you get to draw new cards! Sometimes, individual cards contradict some of these rules. The cards are always right!

If you wish, as your turn, you may discard as much of your hand as you want and draw back up to a total of 5 cards. You may do nothing else for that turn.

Getting Around

You gain on your opponents by playing Overtake cards on your turn, or by automatically overtaking an opponent as the result of some other effect during the lap. When players change position during a lap, move their tokens appropriately.

An Overtake card causes your character and the character directly ahead of you in the race order to switch places!

Close Off is a special card, as is Maneuver (which works slightly differently). It can be played as a Movement card on your turn, or it can be played out of turn when someone is about to Overtake you. A Close Off card prevents anyone from Overtaking you for any reason - even from the effects of a Weapon or Track card. The Overtake that would have happened when you played the card is canceled. When played, it stays in effect until the beginning of your next turn (it is then discarded - display it prominently in the meantime). If you're losing a turn - that is, if it would be the beginning of your turn if it weren't for the fact that you got hit with something that cost you your next turn - you still lose the Close Off card!

That about covers it for driving. Now on to the really important stuff...

Messing With People

There are two basic types of offense cards in SDR2K: Weapons, and Track cards. When played, these cards apply themselves to other players in the race, but they do so in different ways. You can often get out of having to suffer their effects with a Maneuver card. Maneuver cards, like Close Off, aren't played as normal. You can play them out of turn, whenever you're faced with a Track or other hazard that doesn't say you can't Maneuver it. Playing a Maneuver means that the card does not affect you or apply to you in any way. The Maneuver is then discarded.

And finally, the moment you've all been waiting for: how to blow each other up! There are many different Weapon cards, with different names and graphics. Read the cards! When you play a Weapon card, choose either the player directly ahead of you in the race order, or the player directly behind you. If that player can not Maneuver it or otherwise escape its effects, she must follow the instructions on the Weapon card. Most Weapons ask the target to make a die roll, and if the roll doesn't meet the conditions on the card, the player must follow the rest of the instructions on the card (generally, something bad happens). Once that player has followed all instructions on the card, the Weapon is discarded. If the roll is successful, or if the target plays a Maneuver, it spends itself harmlessly and is discarded immediately. Then the current player can elect to play a Track card as well.

Metaphorically speaking, Track cards are features of the race track. (We know this isn't 100% realistic, since it's possible to encounter no tight turns or cliffs on one lap, and then encounter them on the next lap. To solve this suspension-of-disbelief problem, either imagine that you're all moving through different branches and shortcuts of a complex track each lap, or just play the game and don't worry about it.) Track cards are much like Weapons, but when a Track card is played, all players are targeted and must roll or Maneuver, or suffer the effects of the card - yes, this includes the player who played it! Players may Maneuver to dodge the Track card's effects, unless otherwise noted.

Now, the important thing about Track cards is that multiple players will usually succumb to them. When this happens, resolve the effects on each Character in reverse race order - that is, from last place to first. If many players are being overtaken as a result of a Track card, start with the player in last place (Overtakes don't have a big effect on you when you're last), then the next player up, et cetera. In this way (and others), a player can move from last place to first with one card!

With all Tracks and Weapons, remember to always check the cards themselves for specifics on how the cards work and what numbers must be rolled.

A Few Strategy Tips

Feel free to have a longer or shorter race - most of the console racing games give you a choice of three, five, or seven laps. If you want, you can keep track of who wins, places, and shows in each game, assign points for each position, and keep a leader board. However, if you find yourself getting way into it, and determining starting positions for the next race based on each player's overall record or something, please stop, take a deep breath, and say "It's just a game" three times fast.

Remember, you don't get to draw new cards again until the end of your next turn, so the Maneuvers and Close Offs you have in your hand are all you have to go on until then. Gotta know when to hold 'em!

Some players are too chicken to play Tracks if they're not holding a Maneuver card themselves. Some players are too chicken! Play your offense cards, roll the die like there's no tomorrow, and take your lumps like a real racer! Sometimes this kind of play is the only real way to get ahead.

And if you think Tracks and Weapons are too weak, get this: smart players hang on to their Maneuver cards until they have to play them. Tracks don't always do as much damage as Weapons, but unlike Weapons, they can end up taking out more than one target. Weapons only target one player, but they can't target you. Jumps can't be Maneuvered - they have a 50% chance of taking out each player whether they're holding Maneuvers or not! So if you think your playmates are holding, especially if it's late in the game, a Jump card is your ticket.

That's About It

Whoever's ahead at the end of the last lap wins. Have fun! And email us at afl@gibberish.com.

Game concepts, rules and cards copyright © 1998-99 Mike Sugarbaker so don't step